Last week I started to tell you about the dates I went on since I got back from Europe, this week I want to talk about the ones I liked!
In a couple of my earlier blogs I told you about how I realised that I was scared of commitment and losing my freedom. That a lot of the time I actually liked being single and because of this I was attracted to unavailable men in one form or another.
I had a light bulb moment in Pompeii where I realised even though I said I wanted something, I couldn’t picture it. That my fear of commitment was still an issue and that I needed to continue to work on my beliefs in this area. So I worked on daily changing how I was showing up in the world by changing my belief from love=trapped to love= freedom.
Anyway if you have been reading my blog you already know that! So what happened when I continued to date in Perth surprised me!
Of all the guys who I met online and in real life the ones I was drawn to all had one thing in common – different levels of being unavailable.
I mean seriously after my awareness, my work on my beliefs this astounded me. I mean really WTF!!!
Seriously of all the guys I could attract and chose from I continued to attract and chose the ones who were unavailable who consequently made me feel safe (as they wouldn’t ask too much of me) but equal levels of absolutely TERRIBLE.
I can tell you it happened with FIVE guys I liked!!! FIVE! Now if this isn’t the universe giving me a STRONG message then I don’t know what is!!!!
What I believe happens is we keep going through things until we get the lesson. Often we are not aware of the lesson that needs to be learnt so it keeps coming until we learn.
In my case I was highly aware of the issue, yet I definitely wasn’t getting the lesson. I can tell you after these FIVE incidents I am fricken listening as I DO NOT want more of the same. The other interesting thing is they were all great guys and had a lot of what I was looking for in a man. The one other thing I would say is in the past I have wasted a lot of time on unavailable guys but now I am able to recognise quickly them and make a choice not to go there.
Ok so I will quickly take you through them:
I know a guy through the business world who wanted to do a bit of a joint venture. Anyway he called me to catch up. I had met him in the past and there was a bit of mutual attraction between us. When we met he literally said to me let’s f….k and get it out of the way then we can be friends. He was like I don’t want to be with you or date you, I like you and am attracted to you but that is all. So let’s just do it. Needless to say this didn’t work for me and didn’t happen. It actually really upset me – it was the whole saying that, that is all you are good for nothing else and coming from someone I knew. But I know it was all about him and not me.
Mr Commitment Phobe wanted to meet up and discuss things. He had missed me while I was away, wondered what I was doing, etc. Thought I was great, still wanted to be in my life but couldn’t go any further than how things were when we dated. It was again I like you but this is all I can give you. Still unavailable!
I met a Pilot when I was out pretty soon after I got back from Europe (in fact on one of the courses one of the ladies joked that would be what would happen). Anyway he was a great, age appropriate guy who both my friends and I liked. He was based in Melbourne and we caught up a number of times as he was flying to Perth regularly. He didn’t have a lot of control of his schedule and also does a lot of overseas trips. Anyway he was great but his work took him away for like 6 weeks without any trips to Perth. So for me a very different form of the unavailable man!
Met a guy through a friend and we instantly hit it off. He was amazing to talk to and the chemistry was pretty good. Anyway the 2nd time we met he mentioned an ex and I asked him a few questions. Anyway it turned out he was not totally over her and did not feel ready nor want a relationship. He had spent years being with people and now wanted to spend time on his own. However, told me he was happy to hang out, kiss, sleep together but that was it. As great as he was I said friends is all we will be as that is not what I am looking for.
Met a guy on RSVP had 3 good dates with him and enjoyed his company. It was refreshing after so many that I hadn’t connected with. On the 3rd date we were talking about stuff and I asked him a couple of questions that unleashed the flood gates! It ended up that he was hung up on a girl he had dated after leaving his wife. Basically he was hoping to win her back but wanted to be distracted by me as he didn’t like to be alone. He even told me I looked like an older version of her!!! Delightful.
- There were a couple of guys who I met in my day to day life who were married and tried to ask me out but those ones I said a big fat no too without any thought!
Apart from the unavailable guys I did go out with a couple of guys I liked but they had young children. As much as I liked them I could not picture myself with young children again. Been there and done that, now I love the ‘freedom’ (that word again) that I have. I also believe that children are important and you have to be willing to take them on, especially the younger they are and it is quite a commitment that you owe them.
It may seem simple enough writing it like this but within the space of a couple of months to have the same issues right in my face FIVE times was not fun. In fact it was upsetting.
It made me take a good look at myself and how I am creating my own reality and my own patterns and how these patterns were not making me happy!
I said to myself very loudly – ENOUGH! I do not want to be in Ground Hog Day continually doing this issue over and over and over again.
Time to surrender and say – Ok universe I have finally got it!!!!!!
You know I also feel that when you are learning a lesson you will be tested to see how well you have actually learnt that lesson. This was what I felt was happening here. I recoginsed the situations quickly and did not accept them. So I had managed to learn something after all!!!!!
I do find it ironic that I am successful helping others work through there patterns but was being quite resistant to mine! So with this in mind I did also work with a friend of my who is also a Life Coach to work on these unconscious patterns as I know how much that works.
Now I am very clear about what I want and how I want to FEEL in a relationship.
Until the next blog.