Dating since Europe……


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I last blogged on the 26 September about dating in Europe so now it is time to let you know what has happened since I got back.
 
After the ease and fun of dating in Europe on Happn I decided to leave Happn on my phone, test out Tinder and go on RSVP. It was an interesting experience.
 
Happn – very few people are on this app in Perth, although when people are on the app it is interesting to see who I cross paths with. I like that you only chat to those you have said yes to.
 
Tinder – I have always been against Tinder as it is known as a hook up site and it is also known that about 40% of the people on there are in relationships. It has been an interesting experience and I have found plenty of people who were not looking for hook-ups.
 
RSVP – after the ease of the apps I found RSVP a lot more painful.
 
I was lucky enough to go on around 15 dates (which was all I had time for – there was definitely the possibility of more) from either Tinder, Happn, RSVP and a couple that I had met in the real world first.
 
There are several tips I would give you to ensure you get dates:
  •  Have a unique user name if one is required.
  • Have current photos that look like you (profile pic smiling for ladies, one full length photo and maybe doing activities you love).
  • Have non-generic, entertaining/interesting profile that reflects your personality and what you are looking for.
  • If you are on Tinder and want a relationship don’t put no hook ups – apparently guys say the girls who write that always hook up!
  • If you struggle with creating this yourselves, I take all the hassle out of it by creating it all for you.
 
I am always asked where to find single men over 40 and my answer is online! You may not like the answer but it is true – there are more single men online than any other place.
 
At this point I can hear you sigh because I know how people feel about online dating. Many  HATE it  and I have to say that I totally agree with them as I am not a fan either. Like it or not, the reality is, that is where you will find the most singles. However, it is not the only place to meet them. If you are open you can meet them anywhere, as great singles are everywhere. Of course singles events are also a great place to meet them, I do feel a little disadvantaged here as I don’t like to meet people through my own business!
 
My personal favourite way to meet singles is in my day to day life and I have managed to get a couple of dates this way. I like it better as you already know what they look like and like them enough to agree to go out.  Online dating is much more trickly as you have a one dimensional photo, some emails and a phone conversation to go on.
 
I have enjoyed chatting to people and then found there is no spark when I meet them in real life. I hate this part because you then need to let the person know and it always feels awkward as they can be great people but just not a match romantically. At this point I can understand why people just ghost! However, that is not something I have ever done as a Dating Coach I understand the effects it has. I go by the Golden Rule to treat people who you would like to be treated.
 
If you go online I recommend setting aside some time to actually meet people. I also recommend only a couple of messages back and forth, a phone call (if you can’t have a good talk on the phone then there is no point in meeting) and then meeting for something casual like a drink.
 
I enjoyed great dates and a couple where I lost the will to live. Now it is time to share my general observations of my dating experience, these are in no way judgemental simply observational.
 
  • I will start with the one where I lost the will to live! It was on a date with a guy who spent most of the date talking about his ex who had cheated on him! I had a number of dates where the guys spent a lot of time telling me about what went wrong in their marriage, most were instances where their wife had cheated on them. Most went into a lot of detail and spent a minimum of 50% of the time we were together talking about this. This is not a conversation for the first date! I think there is no need to go there this early. If you are asked the question I would simply saying it didn’t work out and that’s it.

    When a guy tells you he was cheated on it does not build attraction, in fact it totally kills it! I think something in your subconscious mind asks why, almost like if she didn’t want him then why would I. Which of course isn’t always the case. The thing is let someone like you for you before you going into this type of detail. Down the track it would be perfectly fine but not on the first meeting, it really is too much information too soon. Anyone male or female who spends a lot of time on a date talking about an ex will give the impression to their date that they are not over their ex.
  • One guy I met for a drink on a Sunday afternoon. I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to go to the effort of getting dressed and leaving the house as it was one of those days where it was nice to just be home. But I decided what could it hurt so had a shower, washed my hair and made an effort to look nice to go meet the guy. The date literally lasted for as long as the drink did! He did want to meet again so I couldn’t really understand why he was so anxious to leave? Anyway it left me feeling that it wasn’t worth the effort of leaving the house and not really keen to meet up again!! I didn’t meet him for a 2nd date.
  • Some of the guys looked so different to their photograph that I didn’t recognise them and it totally put me off. Left me feeling disappointed – recent current photos that look like you are necessary!
  •  A number of the guys I dated ended the date saying the ball is in your court – give me a call or a text sometime. I could understand why they did this as there is no ‘rejection’ in this approach but I personally didn’t like it. I want to meet a guy who is confident and likes me enough to contact me to meet again. In these cases I did tell them if they were interested to get in touch with me.
 But it wasn’t all bad news I met a few that I genuinely liked and wanted to see where it would go.
 
I will share the details in the next blog………….
Debbie xxxoxx

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