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In my last blog I told you about the guys I had talked to online but didn’t go on a date with. Now I will tell you about those guys I did go on a date with!
So far I have gone on 25 first dates! It has been an interesting experience, especially as I run a dating business. It has provided me with a wealth of knowledge and dating tips but not my future boyfriend! A friend of mine described online dating as separating the wheat from the chaff, not an easy task.
I am happy that I had so many opportunities for dates and I love meeting new people. I think everyone is interesting in their own way. I made sure that I went into the experience with a non-judgemental attitude.
We live in a world of instant gratification and decisions; where people often look for the next best thing. So I went into this experience with an open mind, as some of the happiest couples I know wouldn’t have chosen to date each other after one date, let alone seeing a photo.
Have you ever looked for a house and seen so many houses that you end up choosing the wrong one. Mainly because it seems better than the others you have seen? So even though I went into the experience opened minded, my 25 dates felt a little like that!
Ok so here goes with a summary of what my dates were like and I have broken it down into categories to make it easier.
Young children – A number of my dates had children significantly younger than mine. On their profile they had children who were not living at home. I made the assumption that this meant they were in a similar situation to mine, which I learnt was not the case. I did learn I needed to ask more questions before meeting someone as young children are a deal breaker for me. I love children and I did spend years raising mine, but I don’t want to spend this part of my life raising someone else’s. I would prefer to travel and I am looking for someone on the same page as me. I did try to date a couple of guys with young children as there are so many guys in my age range with young children. One was a guy who was 48, who had a 4yr old. I felt in a dilemma as I liked him, but couldn’t imagine life as a step mum. However, the more I got to know him, the more I realised he fell into the category of the best of the bunch, like looking for houses. So now I have a firm stance on not dating someone with children under 10, it may sound harsh but I have decided at this point of my life, I get to decide how life looks.
Meeting Children -Then I had the guys who wanted to meet their children after one date. Guys this is never appropriate!
Neediness/Desperation – So many of my dates fell into this category and this is NEVER attractive and is a big turn off! Lots of the men I met were very needy and desperate for a relationship. This surprised me as women often get labelled as this. I would never act how these guys did. It seemed like it didn’t matter who it was with, as long as they had one! I had one guy tell me he was sorry I wouldn’t go out with him again as he could see himself falling in love with me. I also had a guy ask me out for dinner saying even if I thought he was ugly I would get a free dinner. Now I am not worried about getting a free dinner and I, like most women, like confident guys. Guys the approach of putting yourself down does not work in the early stages of dating.
Too Much Information – Dating should be fun and light hearted, yet so many of my dates shared way too much personal information! When someone tells you too much information, it is off putting. I had a guy who had just recovered from cancer, a guy whose opening sentence was he was stressed as he was being investigated for fraud, others talk in depth about what went wrong with their ex, how they struggled to get women to like them, issues with mental health, how they didn’t like people and weren’t good around them. Now it is good to be open and vulnerable but NEVER on a first date, light and fun is the way to go every time.
Sex -I didn’t get a lot of sleazy guys, which surprised me as I had heard so many horror stories. But I did get a couple who were pushy about getting sex. One guy in particular said he always got sex on a 2nd date and didn’t see why he should wait any longer than that. This guy tried very hard to get me to go back to his house – where his 2 teenage sons were. Not cool. I had the guy who rushed from lunch to do his washing (I thought this was a sign he wasn’t interested) but he was very keen, including asking me what cup size I was and what type of underwear I had worn to the date.
Blah – Then there were the guys who were just vanilla and weren’t interesting at all.
Different Values – I went on a couple of dates where the guys had totally different values to me. I believe you can have different interests, but when you don’t share the same fundamental core values, your relationship is doomed.
Never been in a Relationship – A couple of the guys I went on a date with, were in their 40’s and had never had a serious relationship. I don’t like to be harsh, but if they haven’t managed to have a serious relationship by this stage of their lives, it seems unlikely they will be able to now.
Great Guys – I dated a couple of lovely guys, but there just wasn’t the spark there. I didn’t write them off straight away, because I believe it takes around 3 dates to actually know if there may be a spark. But unfortunately after a couple of dates it just wasn’t there.
So the outcome of my 25 dates? I have met some great guys but no-one I could picture myself with, I need to feel a spark, enjoy the person’s company, have a laugh and good conversation.
At this point I feel exhausted and lack motivation for date 26, my eldest daughter thinks I need a dating intervention! I am actually surprised of the outcome of my dating experience, as I thought I would meet someone I genuinely could image myself being with. So I think it is time for a break from my online dating experience until dating can be fun again and not something that is exhausting!
I also believe love will happen when it will happen, as long as I am open to its possibilities.
For now, happy dating everyone.
Deb xxx
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